Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Open-Mindedness

"I listen to mostly metal, ya know, most of the time. Stuff you probably haven't heard of. Oh, you like Coheed and Cambria? Yeah, they're not my personal cup of tea, but I think they're pretty good. Like, I think Claudio is good at playing guitar and stuff, but yeah, that's cool."
Am I ignorant? Am I narrow-minded? Am I pompous? Sure, if that's what you call a man who knows what he god damn wants. God forbid. I should be more like you right? A free-loving douche fairy who flies by the seat of his pants and would blow a dude just to try it. Go ahead, suck off your buddy. Or aren't you open-minded

I tried music that wasn't pure, true, unadulterated heavy metal once. Sucks. All of it. I'm sorry if the metal genre is just better than everything else out there, and for whatever reason, that's a fact that you can't handle. Getting on my case or blaming me for that, is like blaming me directly for the sky going black at night. It's just out of my hands. Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, right?  Except the opinion I'm entitled to is the correct one, whereas your preference is wrong. When somebody says that people are "entitled to their opinions", what they're really saying, is that once in a while, everybody is allowed to make mistakes. Having a positive attitude towards a band like Bring Me the Horizon is a mistake. 

We're seeing a time where the new age, progressive, liberal, lovey-dovey term for "metalhead" has become "somebody who mostly listens to metal". Way to flutter around your definitive taste like a dainty butterfly, you queef. "Mostly"? What else is there for you to listen to? Do you just get so tired of listening to the best music on the planet that you need to dip your toes into something that sucks every now and again? I don't see the motivation. I don't see why you have to go out of your way to let people know you're so open to everything. I can only blame it on every young person in this day and age being raised in an environment of tolerance and acceptance. The self-esteem movement is creating generations of limp, complacent weaklings who are fed garbage like how "everybody is special". Nobody is special. You have to make yourself special. Until then, you're just another oxygen-wasting asshole filling your face and filling your gas tank. 

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone, and when the topic of music arises, they say something along the lines of "I listen to all types of music"? Horse shit. 10 times out of 10, that usually means you're dumb enough to like everything you hear on the car radio. These are the worst kinds of people. Yeah, that's right, worse than racists. At least racists know how to be passionate about something. So unless you got a playlist with Finntroll, John Mayer, Ludacris, Aretha Franklin, Ke$ha, Charlie Daniels, Pavarotti, Pig Destroyer, Beethoven, and Jefree Star, (+Yanni, Kenny G, and Barry Manilow - Tyranneous) playing in that order, you're full of shit.

It's not like the world of metal doesn't have enough music for you: Death metal, speed metal, power metal, black metal, thrash metal, folk metal, doom metal, the sub genres go on. The metal genre is not only the greatest, it is also the most versatile. Power metal and death metal are two completely different types of music, but share key similarities that make them actually enjoyable to listen to, as opposed to unmetal music, which is all garbage. Every mood you could be in, there is a metal song to match it: When I'm angry, I listen to metal. When I'm furious, I listen to metal. When I'm enraged, I listen to metal. When I'm irate, I listen to metal. You get the picture. There's no need to ever listen to anything else. An open mind is an excuse to be false. 

To ensure that you only listen to music that is acceptably metal, you need to cut yourself off from all outside influences that could lead you down the stray path. Does your girlfriend not like/listen to metal? Break up with her. There shouldn't have even been a second date the moment she named a musical act that was anything except a metal band. Unacceptable. Do you have friends, acquaintances, coworkers who listen to other types of music? Make fun of them for it until it's impossible to hang out with you. The moment they mention anything without shredding guitar solos, start forcibly laughing really hard and scoff at them. Don't make compromises. Your opinion in music is deadly serious, and the moment you start being friendly with the false, you are a friend to my enemy. The friend to my enemy will always be my enemy, and all my enemies are poseurs. 

39 comments:

  1. My favourite article so far.

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  2. Most horseshit article so far...

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  3. This is a shining beacon of truth in a vast sea of politically-correct waste.

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  4. Fuck people who have different opinions than me.

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  5. Some people take this article too serious.
    It sounds like a fucking cult ;D

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  6. i sometimes listen to music i hate just to fuel my hatred of it. srs.

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  7. Yeah this is probably my favorite too.

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  8. i agree with stefan. me and my brother sometimes go on youtube and listen to something like "top 10 emocore breakdowns", just so that listening to nile afterwards is even more beautiful!

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  9. I would never, ever, do that. I meant like Pat Benetar or Huey Lewis and the News. Not some faggy emo shit.

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    1. You hate Huey Lewis? POWER OF LOVE?! C'MON!

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  10. All music is good given that the bands you are listening to are good. Sure metal might be the unholy of unholies, but I would much rather listen to some good neo-folk or crust punk rather than some shitty (or even generic) metal band.

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    1. all music is good given that the bands you are listening to are all metal and good at it

      i'm pretty sure that was a win.

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  11. I listen to MOSTLY metal. But the "unmetal" stuff I listen to isn't shitty. I listen to a lot of Neo-Folk music, in addition to all the metal. The least metal bands that I listen to that can still be considered metal are Alcest and Les Discrets. Other than that, it's only Death, Black, Folk, Doom, and Thrash for me!

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  12. I would never listen to 'regular music' on purpose, I get to put up with that shit at work enough. If it's not metal, it ain't worth shit.

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  13. This is one of your best articles. But I enjoy listening to some punk and even indie once in a while.

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  14. This is bullshit, you sound like you're a fucking 13 year old virgin.

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  15. Hahaha, well excuse me. Is 13 too old to still be a virgin where you come from, Lucia? You start spreading them legs at 9?

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  16. Entertainingly, I actually have playlists like the one you mentioned for "all types of music".

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  17. I Hate the people that say that they listen all kinds of music, when you put on something of slayer, they scare

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  18. You are completley right. Everybody that does not listen to metal needs to die. Lets kill them and listen to Slayer while killing them!

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  19. i agree metal is just that much better and everything else is shit in comparison.

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  20. Greek_Metalhead4/15/2011 5:24 AM

    I listen only to classic rock and all genres of metal. Does that make me an unmetal person? I think not. And, the world is just full of stupid people who cannot appreciate the magic of metal, yet, sometimes we just have to accept their foolishness. Should I quit from my job because my boss listens to new-age shit? Or murder my friend for preferring jazz? Except from that, I totally enjoyed your article.

    Sorry for any grammar mistakes, I am not a native speaker!

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  21. Well that is extremely well put,im sick of people saying they like all music bc that means they like shit.

    Kevin psychosismask@hotmail.com

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  22. This blog looks like a oportunity to frustrate someone and i bet the writer waits for angry music fans to do their response thing, so i think the writer is joking around. But i am leaving a response.

    I'll start this like every time i have a bad case discussion about music: "There is no bad genre of music, there are only BAD MUSICIANS"

    So, if someone hadn't figured out from the last sentence, i'll explain myself. Important: I don't like all music but i like all kind of music. Open mindedness doesn't take everything for granted, it just allows people to think about everything.

    I truly love metal but, considering how metalheads have their rules for being a metalhead, i ban myself from the world of metalheads.

    I study music a lot, without literature, so i could understand things by myself. I've tried everything, i've explored many ages and teritories of musical genres, i've kept the good stuff and ignored the bad. My own experience shows me enouth evidence that METAL is not considered true and right way, actually all the musical roads are the same as paths through amazon: long, messy and interconnected.

    Another important thing: not every human being is musical dependent. Which means that when random person listens to the radio just to kill the monotony of driving to work, he does just that, kills monotony. Later that day he might not remember any of the songs. But if you listen to the radio, you get angry, because you're musical dependent and it is important for you to hear the right notes, instruments, rhythm and other stuff you would like to hear.

    If you write all about how to be metal it is weird to make it "utopia" and without thinking reject everything non metal, it's like Christianity in dark ages.

    Cheers!

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  23. Oh satire, how I love you so. Bear my children, Bren?

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  24. I'll admit it...I do say "Metal mostly" the highest percentage of times in response to being asked what music I listen to. I do listen to classical fairly often though, so I'm not entirely sure if I've just found a good excuse to be a bitch or whether a statement like that can be made whilst actually having some backbone. Classical and metal are like Yin & Yang to me, as pretentious and douchey-neo hippy-open minded asshole that you criticize in this article as that may sound.

    That aside this is a great article. Fuck it, all your articles are great. You are the voice of elitists everywhere, and you can carry that knowledge like Mjolinir to smite the poseurs.

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  25. As much as I laugh at the people who get mad over this article, I Can't help but feel sorry for the dumbass who sincerely agrees with it.

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  26. This is like a bible, i feel sorry for the dumbass who doesn't agree with it.
    Only time a "mostly" is ok is when you add "classical".

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  27. Long live Deep Purple, long live The Animals, long love Bethoveen, long live Metal

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  28. Corpse Tumor9/25/2011 1:10 PM

    This is the first thing anyone should read on this site. Fairly concise but pure brilliance.

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  29. @Goran V. Antić Обрсти ми буљу, клокане.

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  30. Dylan

    That is my name. I was too fucking lazy to link an account, but I didnt wanna be one of those anonymous dweebs too much of a pussy to put their own name next to one of their comments.

    Anyways. Been reading this blog for like 3 hours while downloading new metal albums, and this blog is the greatest fucking thing ever. This post is definitely one of the best posts ive read so far.

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  31. okay, i got to agree with that other dude, does listening to other genres once in a while make someone less "metal"? i do agree on most of this article but not all.

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  32. you are all a set of fuckin stupid cunts!!!

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  33. This is the truth. Fuck you if you disagree even slightly.

    -Alastair

    Oh and by the way... Thrash and Death Metal are the best, and folk metal and power metal suck ass.

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  34. This is a masterpiece. I fucking LOVE this site.

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  35. dumbfuckistan12/26/2012 6:05 PM

    this site is a parody of the tr00-kvlt-br00tal mentalheads.

    i like (black, death / thrash / doom / sludge) metal and listen to it mostly, beside (harsh) noise, drone, ambient, classical & contemporary academic art music, crust punk, grindcore, post-punk, goa trance, darkpsy, industrial, ebm, non-western ethnic music (balkans/southeastern european, middle eastern and indian mostly, which can sound more "dark and evil" than any metal).

    it's a fact that most true metal band members listen a lot of classical, ethnic and ambient music and they get inspired by it all the time.

    you cannot play metal without electricity, that means there will be no metal in the ice age coming soon LOL

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  36. "Stop liking things I don't like."
    Fucking pleb.

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All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.