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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Awful Metal Video: Facecast- Wifebeater

This ain't more metal made for little bitches. This is war metal made for vendettas. This is true New York scene hardcore at its absolute, very, does-not-get-better-than-this, best. Today's awful metal video is HxC titans, Facecast with the song Wifebeater. Get ready to punch each other square in the face and call it "moshing".

Facecast refers to themselves as a "comedy" hardcore band. That's nothing short of a fat bald-faced lie. These guys are as serious as all their impending heart attacks. They only call themselves a comedy band so that they can pass off their cutting-edge lyrics and ideals as "jokes" to get away with it all. It's on the same level as Klan members lynching an innocent man just because of his skin color, and then saying "j/k lol" afterwards like it's all fine. The lyrics to "wifebeater" have genuine rage behind them. The members of Facecast have been coming home to a sink full of dishes for long enough, and it's time to strike back. Literally. 



This is like an episode of Rosanne gone horribly wrong. Tell me that poor woman isn't a dead ringer for Sara Gilbert... 

Facecast take the concept of heavy music very seriously. They eat, live, and breathe heavy. So much so in fact, that the band has a minimum weight requirement of 300lbs. I take terrible care of myself, eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and I can't even say I'm half the size of some of these behemoths. I can't wrap my head around how a man can make himself so enormous. The frontman, who is referred to as "Tiny", is waddling after this terrified woman, yanking her hair, dragging her through their house and assaulting her with every household object he can wrap his grubby sausage fingers around.

Video highlight - [0:47-0:50] That's one way to get her to touch a broom.

So this is supposed to be a comedy group right? This is all supposed to be funny? Why isn't he hitting her with a rubber chicken? Why isn't he bonking her on the head with a giant inflatable hammer? Why isn't making her smell a flower on his shirt only to squirt water in her face? Oh okay, he's forcing his way into the bathroom and trying to drown her in a toilet. Yeah, okay, that's pretty funny. Now he's kicking her in that face while she's on the floor cowering. Okay...  Now she's running from him sobbing while he follows her, his onslaught of merciless beatings unyielding... Sorry, I'm not sure I get the joke.
The new face of HxC comedy... I guess...
I'm going to admit -- and trust me, I'm going out on a limb here -- that Facecast's video seems like the glorification of spousal abuse, and not so much something that's supposed to be funny. I mean, look in Tiny's face. You can see it in his enraged, squinty eyes that he genuinely wants you to make him some food, or he's going to hurt you. But that's probably the case whether you're his wife or not.


9 comments:

  1. Lol that were the most terrible vocals i've heard in a while. In what deep dungeons of the internet do you even find stuff like this?

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  2. Rasmus, the internet is nothing but a deep dungeon in of itself.

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  3. OMFG, when the video started I thought this was a fucking joke. Hey, now I get the joke! :D

    No, but I mean... tomorrow I'll take my calculator and film how my friends (after eating an elephant) beat up some 5th grader, while I try to look angry with my fat cheeks and scream shit and then we will call it a funny joke.
    Wow, very mature and brutal.

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  4. Por Que no Taco4/12/2011 7:08 PM

    wow, it should be called fat ass metal. I mean, it's not like I'd prefer them to all be pencil neck skinny but c'mon. Have they ever heard of lifting weights? nope

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  5. terrible lyrics aside, the music, even for hardcore standards, has to be the best cure for my insomnia. thanks Facecast !

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  6. Where is the mom to wash their mouths out with soap?

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  7. Shroomkillah8/18/2011 12:06 AM

    ^They ate her...

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  8. Their too fat for fast paced non beatdown breakdowns. Really guy?

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  9. Oh my god... Theyre*

    ReplyDelete

All readers that post under the name "Anonymous" and are too frail and weak to represent themselves properly with a title, shall be deemed false metal poseurs for the remainder of their pitiful existence.