|Because all you need is a Sesame Street system of numbers to tell you whether an album is worth it or not.|
So here's the story. Earlier last week, I was approached by one of my good friends, (or at least that's what he thinks) with the intent to converse with me as if he were capable. With a warm and friendly smile, (a deception from his true intent), he asked of me, "So I noticed that you do some album reviews on your blog, but you don't actually give a number rating on them or anything. Why is that?" Needless to say, I was aghast. This bag of the douche variety just looked me in the eye and questioned my workings as the self-proclaimed undisputed true metal master of the internet. Him and I were supposed to go to an upcoming Origin / Hate Eternal show together early next month, but I lost his ticket in the trash can.
Gather around children, and listen carefully, for these are the facts of life. No matter what anybody tells you, or what you read or what you watch, you can't slap a fucking number on art. This is even more so in the case when the art we're taking into consideration is produced in its ultimate form, which we all refer to as heavy metal. You're a damn fool and should be ashamed of yourself for even trying to judge the epic glory or devastating failure of a metal act with something as basic and blunt as a numeral system. You are 4 out of 5 RUBBER HELMETS RETARDED.
|Maybe 2.5 Helmets on your best day.|